I don’t think of myself as an easily distractible person. I am capable of laser focus for quite long periods of time. But there is something about writing that tweaks that part of my brain, and suddenly, every potential distraction/procrastination is thrown right in my line of sight. When my designated writing time comes, I find that there is a plethora of things that are more important for me to get done. Suddenly, I just have to clean the kitchen. The dust on my desk is immediately unbearable and has to go. I get engrossed in a YouTube video about the latest Switch games that are coming out even though I don’t and have never been a video game person. Re-organizing my books. Going through my email. Calling my mom. Making a meal plan. Scrubbing the bathtub. The list goes on and on. Everything that I could be doing other than writing.
I would never have believed that I would be doing other chores that I normally put off in order to avoid putting my ass out of a chair to do something I actually enjoy. That’s insanity. But that is precisely what happens. Like clockwork. Every time I sit down to write.
According to Steven Pressfield, the author of The War of Art, it’s all a manifestation of what he calls Resistance. It is a little thing in your brain that sabotages progress. You see, our brains evolved to avoid fear and pain. The risky and the unknown. It wants us to take the easiest, most predictable path possible all in the name of survival. We evolved that way for good reason…we weren’t always the biggest kid on the block. We didn’t always know where our next meal was coming from. But times have changed, and our biology just hasn’t caught up yet. That’s why doing things that are bad for you like sitting on your butt instead of exercising (conserving energy); eating sugary and fatty foods instead of vegetables (storing up for winter); and staying in a job you hate, but know, rather than beginning a new venture (avoiding the risk that could kill you) is way easier. The brain tricks you. It makes you leery and avoidant of anything that can tumble you into chaos. And it is creative in the ways it pulls you off the path.
Take emotion for example. If you look too close at yourself, it might cause emotional upheaval which will make you unbalanced and unable to properly address the dangers around you. So we avoid , avoid, avoid. Emotion is essential for writing. It is a very personal process. In order for it to be good and true, you have to be vulnerable. It often brings up a lot of things that we don’t necessarily want to feel. It can be uncomfortable. But if you don’t write, you don’t have to feel it.
Also, if you don’t write, you never finish anything. If you never finish anything, you aren’t tempted to show it to anyone. That fear, in particular, has been the one that has ruled me for years. Actually showing my work to people. One I am only now coming to terms with.
My favorite fiction genre to write (and read) is a niche one. Most of my stories are paranormal and involve gay romantic relationships. Some of them are pretty racy. Some of them are pretty graphic. To be completely honest, I have yet to show or tell my family or friends about any of these stories. I’m certain none of them are interested, because it just isn’t their jam. But my reluctance to inform them isn’t really about their reading preferences. It’s about how I think they perceive me, and the fear of that perception changing. There might even be a little shame in there (thank you Brené Brown for making me realize that). But it isn’t just my family and friends.
I am a 38-year-old, female, heterosexual, single, office worker from the mid-west. People hear that and form an opinion, just like they do with everyone else. We as humans tend put people in boxes so we have the illusion of understanding. For me there is a certain fear of being mis-judged by people finding out about what I write/read. Of them having a negative reaction based on who they think I’m supposed to be. I know you can’t please everyone, but this has nothing to do with the quality of my writing. The fact that I write in this genre means that I enjoy it. And whether I want it to or not, that says something about me to others. What that ‘something’ is will be greatly influenced by the person finding out about it. For some it will be a moot point because they won’t read my bio. Some will notice but won’t care. Some will be proud of me for being honest with myself. Some will make it a statement and mean way more than it should. Some might not be so nice. Some won’t even have to read anything and blast me for the impropriety of it. The world is changing slowly, but there is still a lot of judgement out there.
Do I know for certain this will happen? No. I don’t. But that’s what makes it so scary. My brain perceives that and knows it is a risk to my place in the tribe, so it does it’s damnedest to keep me from writing and therefore, finishing anything. Which in turn staves off the risk of me wanting to show it to anyone. In fact, it has decided that any writing is too big a risk and so even my non-fiction has suffered.
Tricky little bugger, huh?
It took reading a lot of self-improvement books and writing craft books to understand this. There are still a lot of things that I am getting a handle on. I am still learning about myself and the basis for my fear. It’s a long, painful process. But in the process, I also discovered that I am not alone. Every person in the world suffers from Resistance in one form or another. For one reason or another. The important part is to not let it trick you. Be a step ahead. Unfortunately, I have yet to find a formula that works for me. So, I struggle. I struggle with it every day.
Every day that I write, I count as a win. Even if it’s only one sentence. Even if I only just get my butt in that chair for ten minutes and stare at my screen while running over a scene. Writing this blog is a tool to help me with that. It gives me a forum to work out some of these issues. It gives me a self-imposed deadline every week. It forces me to finish things. And it helps me to beat the Resistance and hopefully help someone else along the way.
What kind of Resistance do you struggle with? I would love to hear about it.
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