New Steps
My final count for Camp NaNoWriMo was 15,198 words. I successfully finished revising Desert Home. Now for the editing which I tend to either procrastinate or I go over and over and over again agonizing over every little detail and can’t ever seem to get it to the quality I imagine it should be. It’s frustrating. I need to remind myself that perfection is the enemy of the good and that, as the author, I am going to have a tendency toward the ‘not good enough’ bias, meaning that it may be perfectly wonderful, but I can’t see that.
In addition to that issue, I am now taking a much-needed 9.5 day vacation right in the middle of my editing time frame to visit family up north, so… there’s that. I chose to take it now, because… well, basically because that was when my vacation time built up enough to take an entire week off. I haven’t taken a real vacation since well before COVID lock down in 2020, so I really need this one. I don’t count the five months I didn’t have a 9 to 5 last year, because that had a whole other type of vibe going on and could in no way be called a relaxing time away from my day-to-day life, which is what a vacation should be. Having said that, I’m taking my work with me to do finish up stuff if needed, because I sure it’s going to be a pretty chill visit with a lot of down time. I’m still pushing for the September 15th publishing deadline.
Once I get Desert Home published, then I will begin work on revisions for my next planned release Forge and Vine. This one is a high fantasy m/m romance between an uptight Earth mage and a carefree fire mage. For more info on it, visit my Projects tab. As of right now, I don’t have a set release date, but it should be within the next six months.
The Breakdown
The Molecule of More by Daniel Z. Lieberman and Michael E. Long
In this non-fiction book, Lieberman and Long look at the evolutionary effect of dopamine on the brain and explain how humans are hardwired to behave the way we do based on that effect. They make the argument that basically all of our decisions, interactions, even things like our politics are influenced by our genetic disposition to be more or less dopaminergic or driven by dopamine. They lay out a compelling case, with just enough citation and scientific explanation to satisfy that part of my logical mind, while also giving enough analogies and examples so I’m certain I actually understand the scientific explanations. Very interesting and eye opening. Even if you aren’t necessarily interested in brain science, perspective is always nice and might help you to have some more compassion the next time you run across someone of a different leaning than you.
Living Life
I’ve had some family stress going on the last several weeks, which is related to why I am heading up north for my vacation at the beginning of next month. This coupled with the looming deadline and a few other things have made for a procrastination storm. On a good note, we got some positive news recently on the family aspect, so we might be on the downhill side of that bit of stress (as far as the unknowns go). Fingers crossed.
Anyone who’s read earlier articles of mine or knows me personally knows I’ve been in a personal war with procrastination and bad habits in several areas of my life for the last few years. The problem with wars like this is that there is no end. There is no definitive destination where you ‘win’ and it is over. You can only keep going and hope to make consistent progress toward the lifestyle and mindset you want on any given day, which is constantly changing… which is why it will never be over. Enjoying the process, is the only real way to find fulfillment in this kind of journey.
There are times when less progress is made. When things tend to slow down. This is one of those times for me. When that happens, my instinct is to double down and push through. Work harder, be harder on myself. Work more. Put aside all the non-work related stuff. Fight. Struggle. Don’t let whatever it is win. But, in reality, all that does to me is drive me to frustration, ups my stress levels, and leaves me exhausted. I have trouble sleeping, my self-esteem goes through the ringer. I end up even more tired, the procrastination gets worse, and I slide even farther. It is a vicious downward spiral.
Instead, I have learned what I actually need is to step back. I need to give myself time to do stuff I enjoy, even if it doesn’t serve a larger purpose. I need to let myself rest. I need to not think about all the things I am expecting of myself for a day or a week and truly be okay with that. No guilt (this is a hard one for me). Give myself more grace when I am working. Every bit counts. Go easy and remember that it will pass in its own time and that struggling against it isn’t really going to help. Like quicksand. If you struggle against quicksand, you only sink faster. I don’t know if this is actually true, but that’s what the movies tell us.
During Camp NaNoWriMo, I purposely cut back on the length and structure of my check ins as part of the giving myself a break thing. Then I didn’t post for a couple weeks even though I planned on it. I also moved my publishing deadline. And I am giving myself more time to just enjoy some things. I am not beating myself up too bad about it.
The last month or so I have really been enjoying playing with the Virtual Reality headset. Let me first explain that I am not a video game person. I never have been. There have been video game consoles in my family’s house since we were kids starting with the original Nintendo. I have childhood memories of my sister playing Super Mario Brothers and calling my mom in to help with the difficult bits. I remember sitting in the living room for family time playing the first Tomb Raider game on the Play Station One. I was almost always found sitting on a chair or couch, with my nose buried in a book.
And yet, here I am enjoying video games for basically the first time ever. But it is only very specific genres. Namely, logic and music based. Looking back, my new found enjoyment of some VR games makes sense. Duck Hunt was my favorite on the Nintendo. It was the only game we had that used the natural movement of me pointing a gun at a screen, aiming, and pulling the trigger to play. I never wanted to be the one controlling Lara Croft in the Tomb Raider game, but I enjoyed figuring out the puzzles. Those are the aspects of gameplay that I enjoy. With VR, first person games like The Room and Red Matter, which are puzzle games, utilize the natural movement of your arms and hands to interact with the environment around you. It is much more enjoyable and intuitive to me to reach out and grasp an object, than to highlight and hit a button with controller based consoles like the Play Station, or keyboards based games on the PC.
I have also rediscovered the joy that is Beat Saber. We played it on the PlayStation VR a couple years, but out it down after a while and moved on. Recently, we have been playing it on Oculus Meta Quest 2. I love music. I have really good rhythm and again the natural movement of swinging the ‘sabers’ to hit the targets is incredibly satisfying. Plus, I get to dance around like a fool, get a little exercise in, and enjoy the music too. I am proud to say that I can play nearly every song I try on the hard level and some at the expert level. Earlier today, I was playing, and I got through a song on expert that I haven’t been able to before. Warming up to it had me sweating, mostly because I do tend to dance around to help me get into it. I love it when I am able to drop into a flow state where my thinking brain shuts off and my body reacts and does what it needs to do. I was laughing… Laughing out loud!... at the joy of how it felt to let go like that, and then cheered when I finally beat it. So fun!
Until next time, stay safe, be happy, give yourself some room to breathe and read, read, read.
As always, thanks for checking out the site, and I hope everyone is doing well. If you feel so inclined, check out my social media and don’t forget to like/follow/subscribe/friend… whatever verbiage they choose to use.
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